Update on Me

So let's start with a happy photo.Yesterday I told you I would update you on my health today and that is what this post is all about. The good news is I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now. Before I was afraid the tunnel was blocked up and sealed forever. Not even kidding. 

Don't worry. This is as graphic as this post gets. Back in the summer - late May, early June - I had a cough that I couldn't get rid of. At times I almost couldn't breathe. I went to four different doctor appointments and was Covid tested seven times (all negative) before someone finally asked if I had been x-rayed. Brilliant moment because no, no one had thought to do that. Finally on August 20, 2021, I went to the hospital and had this x-ray taken. The head of the x-ray department came straight to me and said I would not be allowed to leave the hospital. She escorted me to the ER based on this x-ray alone. Those open black areas are my lungs. You can see that the one on my left was almost completely covered with fluid, which partially collapses the lung and makes it really hard to breathe. You can read all about that journey in this post. 

The doctor was able to drain over a gallon of fluid from around my lung. Since then the fluid had started building up again and there was scar tissue from the previous drain. On November 3rd I went into the hospital in Bangor for surgery. I went in thinking this was going to be an easy thing, similar to the draining of my lung they did before. Boy, was I wrong! I ended up having a thoracotomy surgery which I am told - and Mr. Google upholds - is the most painful surgery and most painful recovery there is. The surgeon went in through the back since the scar tissue and fluid were on the backside of my left lung. He cut through muscle and nerve bundles, and even intentionally broke a rib to give him more room to work. The surgeon says the surgery was a success and this problem should not reoccur with the left lung. That was good news but I was left with incredible pain. 

I don't remember most of the hospital stay. I was there seven days. Mark said I hallucinated the first four days, talked about things that had never happened, didn't know where I was or why I was there. Then all of a sudden they took me off all the medicines and this incredible pain overtook me. I do remember crying a lot in the hospital. And I remember two of the nurses. And that is about my complete recollection of my stay. I did have this beautiful view of some river out my window. 

I found this photo on my phone. I don't remember taking it but I did like the note reading "I am in a lot of pain!" And no joke, the pain was incredible and intense. 

I went home November 10th. For the first month I slept in my recliner in my art studio. I wasn't ready to lay totally flat nor to do the stairs to get to our bedroom. In fact I didn't leave the house for the entire first month. Then in mid-December I felt like I needed to get out and pretend everything was normal for a day. Bad idea, the car ride about did me in. So much pain. All the time and numb around my side and back, then tingling and itching like crazy. The incision itself is about 8" long. And there are two 2" incisions below that where the drain tubes ran out. And they wanted me to sleep laying on top of all that. Not fun. 

Mark was in charge of my medicine schedule. They sent me home with two narcotics - one of them was an opioid. I was determined not to use those two. I have seen opioid addiction rip a family apart and I wasn't interested in that. But on a couple occasions the pain was so bad I had to resort to those meds. Three occasions was all. 

I worried because Christmas was approaching and I usually decorate with lots of ornaments. This year I couldn't even get to them because it would require lifting and rearranging the closet and I just wasn't feeling it. But Mark did get one of the trees standing, not decorated but it really doesn't need it. I was encouraged that I was starting to think about something other than the pain I was feeling. 

There were several times in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep due to pain. I would be sitting in my recliner crying and praying for the next round of medicines to come soon. For that first month Mark got up every two hours during the night to bring me medicines. But he needed his sleep, so I didn't want to bother him with the crying. I went to Facebook and set up a couple chat groups with five good friends and I would whine and complain to them. Hahaha! And they would talk me through it. Whoever was awake at the time. Those girls were there for me and they still are. I wouldn't have made it without them. And that is not an exaggeration. I needed to show my group Tangle All Around that I was still hanging in there and that's why I shot this photo, sitting in my recliner. 

On December 3rd, I had a followup appointment with the pulmonologist. Not the surgeon. A two hour car ride one way is not fun when you have nerve pain. Trust me on this one. You don't want to do it, but do it we had to. He was pleased with how I was in healing. Pleased with my breathing but told me to keep working on the deep breathing. I will be doing breathing and walking tests in July. Whatever that means. He was stunned at the size of the incision and he was amazed that I was not told before hand what to expect after the surgery. That I was not told it would take a couple months to recover and that the nerve pain could last as long as two years. And he did tell me - and my husband is the witness - that if this fluid had been taken care of earlier we could have avoided this surgery completely. I was at least four doctor appointments, four opportunities for help - before someone asked about an x-ray. This surgery could have been avoided. 

And now winter is finally here. There is a layer of ice under all that beautiful snow. And I am terrified of falling. My healing is almost complete. Just a little nerve pain in the abdomen and the pulmonologist assured me that would go away. But I don't want to fall and have to start this process all over again. What do I do inside all day? I was napping, but now that doesn't happen as often. I cut out all the medicines myself once I googled long term side effects. Scary stuff there. I have start reading again thanks to a suggestion from Sandra. 

I know this would be the perfect time to make art but I am just not feeling it. I forced myself to finish this project I had started a couple months ago. The board was already primed and had a base coat, I just added the flower and the splatters. And then I stuffed it into a box. 

As I go forward, I need to continue working on my deep breathing. And not sneezing, cause sneezing is the worst. And I need to rethink all my commitments. I need to learn how to say no, thank you. And leave it at that. I don't need to clutter up my life with obligations everywhere. Focus. Maybe that should be my word for the year. Focus. And breathe. 

I know this was long winded and probably more information than you were interested in, but it was helpful for me to put it all down in words So, thank you if you read this far. I appreciate you. And thanks to Sandra, Christine, Rochelle, Carol and Leslie. You are my team and I love you. Thank you for being there in the middle of the night and during the day.